Bob Sanders: Should’t have told the doctor I fell

Bob Sanders
Columnist
Published: January 12, 2009

I don’t like going to the doctor, but sometimes a body needs to, or is scheduled to. Thus it was that I went ... and committed a serious error. I know now where I made my big mistake. If I had only known then. Had to open my big mouth.

It was just a regular six-month oil and filter change. I expected him to poke around and listen in a little bit and send me on my way. But, noooo.

Had to mention that I had fallen a couple of times. What’s the big deal? People fall occasionally. I’ve been falling since I could walk. But I had to tell about this one, the one that broke my glasses, re-arranged my teeth, took the skin off my palms (picture Pete Rose sliding head first into second ... on pebbly asphalt), messed up my knees cut my chin, and bruised my shoulder.

Big mistake. Better that I had said, “Oh, feeling fine, perfect condition. Yippee!”

But that mention of the fall got me involved in a series of tests. Doctors love tests. I walked from here to Tallassee and back, uphill all the way. I was probed and punched and had electrical things attached to my body, and wore a thing around my neck for a couple of days.

There was Echo something, EKG, HIJ, KLM, NOP ... Oh, I was tested, and one nurse, Rita was her name, took particular joy in rrrrripping off the tape that held the electric things to my body.

A few days after all that, the kindly old doctor came in and counseled with me about the results of the tests.

“Hmmmmm. This looks pretty good. Your heartbeat has gone up (or down, I forget). Uh-oh, you’ve gained a few pounds.

“Water pump seems to be OK. Exhaust system looks fine. Fuel injectors might need cleaning.

“Hmmmmm. Do you still get up at that ridiculous time every morning?” I confessed that I did (I like to eat).

“Hmmmm. You don’t get much sleep, do you?” “Well, I sneak a little nap in the early evenings sometimes,” I said. “Hmmmm,” he said.

When I got home, Frosty asked, “Did you tell him about your knees?” “Are you kidding?” I said. “Ain’t no telling what tests I would have gone through. MRIs, JKLs, MNOs, and on and on. No, Sir and no thanks. I’ll just grunt every time I get out of a chair.”

By then I had learned.

“Oh, I feel so good I just want to get out and run or work or play or something. Boy oh boy, do I feel good. No pains whatsoever.”

Then the doc got dirty.

“Well, I guess you’re in pretty good shape ... for a man of your age.”

“What age would you have guessed?” I stupidly asked. Without checking my dossier, he said, “You don’t look a day over, oh, about 83.”

I restrained myself; I might need him sometime. In fact, I’m supposed to see him again in six months. I’ll know better next time.

Bob Sanders is a longtime radio personality with WAUD in Auburn and writes a weekly column for the Opelika-Auburn News.